I've a lot of time to figure out what I really want and need before I go and chase after them. Maybe the main cause of my dissatisfaction is how I tend to settle for what is being offered at the moment thinking  I need to take it for there might be no other chance. Maybe I was right, maybe there will be no other chance but that doesn't necessarily entail that it was a wasted opportunity. Maybe I just wasn't meant for it, that maybe fate had something more fitting to my disposition. I don't know if I am making sense but I am not giving a fuck about that right now. 
I've always thought I needed/wanted these dreamy stuff. But when I get them, I am left with nothing but disappointment. I guess it's time to take a break from finding and focus more on getting by.