It's kinda weird having neutral feelings. And recently, these are all I'm getting. No emotional height or lowness. Since I was formerly accustomed to being so happy or confining myself down in the dumps, this state of being in between is something I have yet to get used to.
You see, nothing affects me profoundly anymore. A few days ago, I tried rekindling an old flame. This wasn't just an ordinary lovey dovey cheesy situation. It started with lust which eventually led to confusion and even more question marks. It wasn't the most moral thing in the world but when you're so inclined to something, nothing matters anymore as long as you get your fill. And I longed so much for the things we did because last summer we stopped. It wasn't my decision, I was actually left behind: no talks, no whatever. But then, an opportunity opened when I saw how the other party was having a hard time fighting the urge to engage in it again. Everything felt like a reenactment except this time, it didn't feel good anymore. It felt like a chore, like a forced task. And nobody enjoys forced tasks. To think that I almost deprived myself of a good last free summer solely because of everything, and then getting it back, and feeling nothing, even hating it. I've no choice but to end it. Maybe that's how good it gets. Maybe it's time to move on and explore the vastness that the horizons we decided to graze have to offer. This didn't depress me at all, unlike last summer. It felt great actually to finally get an answer to something so bothering I couldn't even concentrate whenever it came into my mind. But I guess that's it. Everything sentence has to end in a period, exclamation point or question mark. Otherwise, it won't be a proper sentence.