I am here for a reason. It might not be clear now but I'm certain that everything would make sense, sooner or later. I know I chose this because I found something special, something that made me enticed to it.

I know that things would never be easy. They never were. I just took them easily. Now, I cannot do that anymore. The next three and a half years will define a good portion of my future.

Everything is much harder because our determination to stay is being tested. If we are happy, we want to stay here and we have our hearts and minds to back us up, then I see no problem with that.

Dorm life.

Generally, living in a dormitory inside the Ateneo is okay. I can wake up 5 minutes before class and still make it before the second bell rings. I can run back to my room when I forget to bring something vital. I can walk around the Ateneo campus at night where everything looks delightful and is with utter beauty. 

But even though the water pressure and heater here are way way way way way better than the one at home, the proximity to the school is convenient and the liberty I have is somewhat enjoyable, home still beats dorm life. 

Whenever I'm lying on my bed, I always feel so boxed..like there is no other dimension but this bed and I, and that I could not go beyond it. I feel constricted whenever I stay here. This is why I grew a fondness for long walks. I usually walk around Katipunan and the streets adjacent to it. Sometimes, for reasonable errands and sometimes, just to escape the boxed-up feeling. 

I also have the tendency to feel alone here. Although I've a select friends at the dorm, I really couldn't connect to them like the friends I've from back home. So, for the first time ever, my four-hour free Sun to Sun calls was consumed in just one night. Yeah, I wasn't much of a talker before. But now, I'd randomly call Leana and we share our sentiments about old friends and new experiences. 

Oh well. So much for that. 

Oh yeah.

I wanna know where I wanna be so I could start correcting my direction. Lately, I've been continuously walking but I do not really know where to. I wouldn't want to arrive somewhere and eventually find out that I don't want to be there after all the measures I took to get there. It may be wishful thinking though, to realize my destination on such short notice. Everyone has to try and trying means that there's a huge potential for error. I guess these errors are the direction-shifters, slowly diverting us into what we're really for.

Anyway, my first college semester will be over in three weeks. I can't believe I survived 4 months of the Ateneo student life. I'm not too proud of my performance, though. I must admit, I've succumbed to mediocrity just because........ I don't know. When you're in an area where everyone's better than you and every lesson's so much harder than what you've been accustomed to, you just can't help but to let it be and hug mediocrity like a comforting friend. I only do well in something when I know I've an advantage, an edge. When everything's stripped off, vulnerability strikes me. This mindset is killing me.

I really hope I improve next semester since I can say that by that time, I've adjusted well and I already know the measures. I have to get high grades so when time comes, I would qualify for Junior Term Abroad. It's what dragged me to SOM in the first place.

I also kinda lack maturity. I've always been going out, partying and hanging out, saying that I'm just taking advantage of my extra time as a freshman. Yes, they say do everything now or forever regret it. So yeah.
I've come to a point of questioning my priorities. Am I here for what? Partying or studying? Or balancing both? I hope I can live up to the latter.

I kinda feel alone again. That's cause I miss home. Even though I was with my sister and mom in Glorietta last Thursday, I miss them already. I know, just three more weeks of lectures and a week of finals then I'm off to Lucena for a really long break. But I can't help it. I wanna go back to my own bed and feel the comfort of being alone in my room where I can wear and do whatever. Hays.
Why does time suddenly slow down when you're near your desired moment?

Have I told you about how I love revel bars? It all started when my mom bought a few from Tokyo Tokyo years back and it was then when I discovered this delicious treat.
What I love most about it is how its good taste remains despite my buying a piece from different places. Right now, I get revel bars from the Cervini Caf and Bo's Coffee.
Let me tell you about the revel bars from Cerv Caf. Today, I decided to buy two but when I arrived, only one bar was left. So I just bought that one and a cookie. I opened the cookie first and I was surprised that it tasted like a revel bar. And I love how it made me feel good.
Ahhhh. Bliss.