It's really different to be far from home, from family and friends, and from a place so familiar that you could go around wearing blindfolds and not get lost. It's extra harder when you're in a place that varies from what you have been used to. From not having room mates to having three, from real comfort in the comfort room to having almost none at all, from encountering the same people every day to meeting new faces every once in a while.
The past day was rough. I had a hangover from going home and just got back in QC only to find out that classes were cut. I could've stayed for another day in my small, humble town. The amount of time for nothing just made me think of what I miss: everything. I especially miss my family. My mom who may sometimes be loud and forcing but I wouldn't get to where I am without what I've learned from her. My dad who I appreciate now more than ever because we connect now and I can sense the value of understanding between us. My little brother who I really enjoy being with. Which reminds me, it's my mom's birthday today. Dang, I miss home so much.
Post-home-visit-shrills
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Hindi na siya nangahas pagkat ramdam na niya ang pagod, nanunuot sa bawat sulok ng kaniyang pagkatao. Sa utak: ang araw-araw na pamomroblema kung saan na siya papunta at ano'ng direksyon ang tatahakin. Sa binti: ang halos paga na niyang mga litid na tinabihan pa ng mga peklat na mula sa pambubugbog ng isang lipunang hindi niya inakalang pagtatraydoran siya nang ganito. Sa puso: ang pagmamahal na hindi na nasuklian, abonado pa. Ibinigay na ang lahat, kulang pa hanggang sa maiwan ka na lang sa kantong naghihikahos at mukhang tanga. Hindi na siya babangon. Magpapahinga na lang ako. Hindi ko na kaya. At siya'y humiga sa isang kalye sa Ermita, isang kalyeng naging saksi sa iba't ibang talampakan. Binalot na ng kadiliman ang kalangitan subalit ang paligid ay sadyang may kaliwanagan. Mainit subalit dahil sa kaniyang manipis na kasuotan at sa ihip ng hanging parang nangaasar at sa kaniya pa tumapat, nanginginig na siya. Ang mga butol sa kaniyang buto-butong braso at binti ay maliliit na ebidensiya lamang ng kung ano ang nangyayari sa loob. Isang yelo sa kaniyang katauhan. Isang kalamigan-kawalan ng init, ng pansin, ng pagpapahalaga ng isang lipunang kaniyang minahal nang walang panggigiit. Ngunit siya ay pinagkaitan.
I'm Back
So what's up with me lately?
I'm currently juggling adjustments from slacker-high-school-junkie to not-so-much-of-a-slacker-college-junkie. Fine. I told myself that the moment I enter the tertiary level of education, I would change. I would work harder because my high school antics would not suffice the rigors of college. I did, however, become a little more productive and determined but the results are even more mediocre than when I was in high school. I mean, I'm in one of the top universities in the Philippines. Of course, it wouldn't be a walk in the park. I'm in the Ateneo. Of course some hardcore smart people would party all night and still get an A the next day. That's them, Aldrin. You're different. You handle things differently and you have different capacities. I'm already doubting my intellectual capacities.
Right here, right now, I can say that I'm in the fine line between average and below average. Reviewing for my first long test proved to be futile. Okay, I did not review that much because the weekend before that, I went out drinking with friends but I panic-studied the night before and the eenie weenie hours before the test. So I passed. I got roughly 68%. I got a D. But you know what, I could've gotten a C if I had one more correct answer. You know how that sucks? I could've gotten a score far lower than the result and still get a D.
I guess that's just how life plays with us. It gives us a tiny bit of reinforcement and makes us realize how we could've done better.
Fuck life
I'm currently juggling adjustments from slacker-high-school-junkie to not-so-much-of-a-slacker-college-junkie. Fine. I told myself that the moment I enter the tertiary level of education, I would change. I would work harder because my high school antics would not suffice the rigors of college. I did, however, become a little more productive and determined but the results are even more mediocre than when I was in high school. I mean, I'm in one of the top universities in the Philippines. Of course, it wouldn't be a walk in the park. I'm in the Ateneo. Of course some hardcore smart people would party all night and still get an A the next day. That's them, Aldrin. You're different. You handle things differently and you have different capacities. I'm already doubting my intellectual capacities.
Right here, right now, I can say that I'm in the fine line between average and below average. Reviewing for my first long test proved to be futile. Okay, I did not review that much because the weekend before that, I went out drinking with friends but I panic-studied the night before and the eenie weenie hours before the test. So I passed. I got roughly 68%. I got a D. But you know what, I could've gotten a C if I had one more correct answer. You know how that sucks? I could've gotten a score far lower than the result and still get a D.
I guess that's just how life plays with us. It gives us a tiny bit of reinforcement and makes us realize how we could've done better.
Fuck life
Come back
I revive my blogger account in a desperate attempt to save what is left of my writing skill. I guess I have too many followers on Tumblr to give me an ease in expressing myself. I grew the insecurity and the fright that people might judge me for I tend to be very opinionated at times. And so I keep my mouth shut. And so, my feelings and objectiveness are hidden in the closet. But now, I shall try to come back. I shall try to write rightly again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)