Sometimes, love just ain't enough vs. Love will keep us alive

So, you might think of the title as just another corny, mushy blog about love. Nope, I do not really favor that anymore.
So, what about the title? These are the two songs in one of my mom's CDs which she plays when we go on roadtrips. It just seems ironic having these two songs played next to each other.

This got me thinking and comparing the two ironies of love. I agree with the first song with the lyrics-sometimes love just ain't enough. We need to use our minds too. Well, literally, we never really use our hearts for love as it is only a blood-pumping mechanism. 

I also had this thought on my mind which suddenly popped up:

Love is not useless. Sometimes, we just couldn't find the right use for it.

 

I had not been in love for a long while now. And it really doesn't matter.

Oh yes, this is it.

I had been really busy for the past week-pretending to study(sigh), anticipating the Christmas Party, wrapping cheap presents.

First, the exams. Of course, it sucked. I sucked. The teachers who made the exams sucked. We are all suckers. Lol. I am again in a state of not caring. I just wanted to get 'em over with. Anyways, we only have 3 months left for school, which is not a bad time considering the fact that time flies by so fast that you have the tendency to pant while running after it. Okay, I'm not giving the Honor List up. But I think it's just not my time to belong there yet. Maybe next year. Or maybe, God's better plan is me passing the entrance tests of my dream schools. Wow, I'm full of positive vibes right now. Unusual. Whew.

Second, the Christmas Party. Before the 18th, I really didn't feel like attending the party. There's this feeling that I want to keep distance from partying. But still, I attended and enjoyed and was filled with love. Before we exchanged gifts, Ma'am Parafina asked some of us to say what we need to say to our classmates. I happened to have two things in mind; a bit of misunderstanding with two of my classmates who were close to me. So, I took the microphone and told them that I was sorry that they had to suffer my frequent breakdowns and hotheadedness. I was touched, a bit, by what my friend told us. She said that she didn't expect me to swallow my pride and do what I did. Well.
I just don't want to keep making my life harder with different complications resulting to more complicating repercussions.

I just want to be grounded-it's the least I can do after making people hate on me. Oh well.

Third, worst case scenario: You were given bucks to buy whatever you like in Mall of Asia, and you looked everywhere, not being able to like a single thing you checked out. Maybe it was me, maybe I was not in the 'vain' and 'go-getter' mood or maybe the merchandise really weren't so great.


But one thing remains extremely satisfying:

DQ ICE CREAM SANDWHICH!! It's the best freaking dessert ever. I could eat that ice cream cake even if I was in Alaska. It's that good!

Lastly,
it's a few days before Christmas and I really don't feel it(as if I ever did feel celebrating in the past years). It's not that special for me. Don't really see the fuss in it.




Oh man. Our novel-project in English should be passed by January and I haven't started writing anything new. I wanna make something morbid, the one that'll raise eyebrows regarding my mental state. :)

i will update soon.

i will update soon. i will. i really will.

Never been this stressed out.

Is there really a point in doing this?

Another reason to loathe school.

Issues. Man. You shallow, stupid girl. Poor you. Wait, you don't even deserve my pity.

School is shit.

I seriously do not want to go back to school because of the following factors:


I have nothing to look forward to.
I am not motivated. Nothing is motivating me. Okay, a few weeks ago I was very motivated to go to school and train and bond with my fellow journalists. But now, RSPC's done. I can't even look forward to the NSPC 'cause I'm not in.
I don't know why I feel so empty studying in SHC. Pls, I need to fast forward!! Oh, I think I really need meds or a shrink. :(

Laziness
Who want to go back to school after a week of pure fun and relaxation?


I just want to cry. I just don't want to be myself right now.
I really don't know where this is coming from.
I usually am not this depressed.
I don't know. Maybe tomorrow after class, I would recover but I cannot assure it.



I HATE SCHOOL!

I am a self-proclaimed imbecile.

This is my favorite self-made statement right now:
I'm just trying to make sense out of what is happening to me but it seems like this is a senseless world, and I will never succeed in my hopeless venture.

Life just doesn't make sense. Behind thousands of opportunities, there is failure.


And this is a shout out for fate: You have messed with the wrong guy. Why me? Why weak Aldrin? Why insecure Aldrin? Why Aldrin, who needs constant reassurance? Why Aldrin, who badly needs a shrink?

Why? Why? Why?

Anyway, thank you Ma'am Veran for believing in what we can do. And for reading my post too. Thank you Meg for cheering us up.

I would just try to recap my past RSPC's.

2005-2006
My first RSPC. I won third in the DSPC. At first we thought that it was a bummer because it was held in Lucban. But then, it was extreme. Extreme in fun, experience and rewards. I won 2nd place. I though I won it because I had the skills. But now, judging from what happened after then, I doubt it. Anyways, at least I got to reach the NSPC and reach Kalibo, Aklan. And fall in love. Haha.

2006-2007
The RSPC was in Rizal. It was a bit stressing because I was a candidate for Outstanding Young Journalist of Region4-A. I won and it gave me the ticket to NSPC in Baguio. well, okay. I think I won because there wasn't any other contender. So, still, that didn't prove anything. That didn't prove that I have the skill in News Writing. Though that was the Golden Age of The Pulse winning 1st Best Layout, 2nd Place News Page and 7th overall, that still didn't prove anything.

2008-2009
This is one of the most memorable RSPC's ever. With the emotional clash balanced with extreme happiness and love that was felt throughout.
I remember a tag line I created inspired by that experience: The Heartbeat, not just an org-more of a family.
That was also when Ma'am Veran told us that she was leaving. And that shattered all of us since she is our foundation, the backbone supporting and believing in each one of us. But luckily, she stayed. :)

2009-2010
The most recent one. I thought that when I won 3rd place in the DSPC that it was a sign since the time I won in the Regionals, I was 3rd in the division too. But no. I should really stop believing in superstition and also stop believing that I have a shot at it.

I will just miss a lot of people.
Janine.
Yssa.
KC.
Jayvee.
Martin.
Chai.
Jannah.
Hannah.

They're graduating and will not be with us next year. That thought makes me teary-eyed. That batch of writers are a complete package. They would always make a boring 'ol week into one that you will never forget for the rest of your life.

RSPC wouldn't be complete without them.

But that's just a sad fact. People come and go whether we like it or not. We just have to adapt....or weep. Just like me. Buhu. I think i couldn't say thank you enough to them.

Buhu. Weep you little wimp. Weep.

I want to go back to the past or fast-forward to the future. Either way, I hate the present.

well, okay, Here's the silver lining.

The Heartbeat won 3rd overall school paper, 1st best layout and awards in Editorial and Features page too. And of course, Jannah won 3rd place in Copyreading and Headline Writing.

Where is your better plan?

I have come to a point where I am questioning God about what he is planning for me.

I lost in the RSPC. Man. Nothing could ever tantamount to how that feels. And with that feeling is self doubt followed by lost in belief. I just don't know what I need more to attain that ever so unreachable place.

I just wish that people didn't force the though that God always has a better plan. Look, okay? That belief made me think that the reason why I didn't reach the honor list is because he is planning something better for me, perhaps the RSPC. But no.

And I also think that when I won a few years back when I was in fifth grade, it was just pure luck! I am nothing. I'm stupid. Don't beg to differ. And I really want people to stop believing in me, in what I can do, cause I would just be failing you.