Where is your better plan?

I have come to a point where I am questioning God about what he is planning for me.

I lost in the RSPC. Man. Nothing could ever tantamount to how that feels. And with that feeling is self doubt followed by lost in belief. I just don't know what I need more to attain that ever so unreachable place.

I just wish that people didn't force the though that God always has a better plan. Look, okay? That belief made me think that the reason why I didn't reach the honor list is because he is planning something better for me, perhaps the RSPC. But no.

And I also think that when I won a few years back when I was in fifth grade, it was just pure luck! I am nothing. I'm stupid. Don't beg to differ. And I really want people to stop believing in me, in what I can do, cause I would just be failing you.