I boarded a train four years ago; clueless and naïve, I was. I thought I was ready and well-equipped with things I have learned in the past but I was wrong. This wasn’t going to be an ordinary trip where I’m simply obliged to sit down, help myself to a few snacks, sit back, relax and just savor everything. It was different because I was going to be the driver; the determiner of my own and perhaps even other people’s fate. I was in control, a task which I was not accustomed to. It was far from being a walk in the park.
I committed a myriad of mistakes. The tracks were confusing-parallel and intersecting lines forming a kaleidoscope, almost impossible to decipher with the naked eye. The complexity almost pushed me to just throw the opportunity away and forget about everything: about this journey, about reaching the destination. But if I stopped during those times of solace and darkness, I wouldn’t be where I am now: merely 50 days from my final stop, almost ready to embark on greater ventures for even wider horizons.
You can say that this four-year expedition is a roller coaster, a spectrum of sudden ups and downs. It could bring out the scared-y cat in you but you know you’d still want to ride, given the fun and enjoyment it brings especially when riding with friends. You can say that it is a battlefield, a competition of the fittest. But this one’s not the everyday fight scene we usually see in the theatres. This one’s a fight within one’s self: a constant bashing to avoid temptations and keep our eyes fixed on our goals. And you can even compare high school life to an abundant river. It continuously flows despite the hindrance of the environment. Nothing could stop it. It moves on in a pace that could only leave us in wondering. And it produces smooth, beautiful rocks worthy of great admiration, to think that they were once useless, rough and ugly.
You could think of and enumerate a thousand clichés, metaphors, similes and comparisons but never really capture the totality and spectrum of this life phase. Nothing could ever epitomize its splendor.
My high school life is a stage of formulating questions and answering them through concrete experiences. It truly is an institution of learning in itself, a specialty not known to many. I first walked the halls of the HS building as a kid, still in searching of his purpose in life. Four years after, I can say that I have matured, given a decade and six years of existence but I never really have cleared out my life’s purpose. Maybe, to realize that is an intangible death; a stop to move forward and keep on dreaming.
It is a cornucopia of firsts and lasts, of hellos and goodbyes, of desires and fulfillment and of I love you’s and of imminent cries. It is when I got to taste the reality of life, its harshness which would eventually harness our inner greatness. It is when I fell down and didn’t immediately stand up. I opted to crawl for a while, to feel how it is being down, being below the social standards. It is when realizations flourished, each and every one trying to make a point, to be coherent. But of all my realizations, this one’s the most prominent: It’s not all about academics, about books and references. Nothing could ever beat the lesson of experiencing something firsthand, of relishing either its bitterness or sweetness.
I gained a lot of friends and lost a lot too. I attained and I failed. I took things for granted and I gave value to what didn’t really matter. Nothing really runs smoothly. If perfection was a common characteristic then we wouldn’t know the value of being pristine and spotless. Mistakes made up a lot of my four-year undertaking but the more mistakes we have, the more we could learn and utilize them, become better persons and reach higher skies.
It was hard. Tears were shed; signs of anxiety and sleeplessness appeared. Weight was gained due to stress-eating. The flowing of bitter liquor through cold throats coinciding with lit cigarettes, pushing smoke inside one’s lungs were great enticements. Depression was always present, ready to constrict me with great force. It was tempting to succumb to every negative but convenient choice. It was a way out of all the academic, social and familial pressure, after all. But it also is the way out of a better life too, of a brighter future.
Four years will be over in less than three months. We will soon leave our humble abode, the one that has nurtured a great number for decades. But whatever may happen, whatever lies in the hands of destiny, I could confidently say that my high school life is far from being a waste of time, that it is my solid foundation, my building block making the fulfillment of my dreams possible. I could proudly say that I am ready to face what has been feared, to regain what has not proliferated and to transform what is seemingly intangible.
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